Wedding Speech Order in NZ: What's Traditional (and What Can You Change)?
- George Polgar
- 5 days ago
- 9 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
Let's be honest: nothing tests a family's emotional stability quite like the moment someone hands Uncle Pete a microphone... This is exactly why the wedding speech order matters — it's not just tradition, it's crowd control. A good speech lineup sets the tone, keeps the reception flowing, and protects everyone from the existential dread of an unplanned 17-minute story about "that one time in Bali".
Most couples arrive here searching for answers: What's the traditional Kiwi order? Can we change it? Who actually speaks first?
This article explains how the classic New Zealand structure works, why it exists, and how modern couples tweak it to suit their day.
And just so there's no suspense: yes, you can change the order — and no, the wedding police won't arrest you.
Key Takeaways
The traditional Kiwi speech lineup has a clear flow — but it's not mandatory.
Modern weddings mix things up: extra speakers, swapped order, even cultural additions.
A well-planned order keeps the reception smooth, meaningful, and blissfully chaos-free.
Quick navigation // Table of Contents
Traditional vs Modern Wedding Speech Order
1) What's the Traditional Wedding Speech Order in New Zealand
New Zealand weddings have their own rhythm, and the classic speech lineup is surprisingly consistent across decades. Here's the traditional flow:
1. Father (or Parents) of the Bride
Traditionally, the father of the bride opens the speeches.
He welcomes guests, thanks families, and — crucially — welcomes the groom into the fold. This is the speech that sets the tone and typically carries warmth, gratitude, and maybe one lightly embarrassing childhood story.
2. The Best Man
In the classic Down-Under style, the best man speaks next.
This is usually the comedic break between heartfelt family speeches. Expect jokes, stories, and at least one reference the groom silently wishes had stayed in 2009.
3. The Groom
The groom's speech is the heart of the traditional order.
He thanks guests, acknowledges families, expresses love for the bride, and often hands out a few special mentions. This speech is emotional, sincere, and wraps up the traditional trio nicely.
Traditional vs Modern Wedding Speech Order
While the above is the classic format, New Zealand weddings today look far more diverse — and so does the speaking order. Couples often modify the sequence based on family structure, cultural background, or simply personal vibe.
Modern variations include:
the bride giving a speech
parents of the groom speaking
maid of honour or bridesmaids taking the mic
swapping the order for better energy flow
including cultural elements like waiata or karakia
What hasn't changed is the purpose: speeches should feel authentic and meaningful, not forced. The "right" order is the one that reflects your relationships, not outdated etiquette.
2) How Traditions Are Evolving: Modern NZ Weddings
If you've ever been to a New Zealand wedding in the last five years, you already know: nothing is "traditional" anymore except the fact that someone will cry and someone will overshare. The classic Kiwi speech structure is still loved — but today's weddings mix it, twist it, and personalise it until it fits the couple like a well-tailored suit.
Here's how the modern approach is reshaping the wedding speech order:
More Voices at the Mic
Gone are the days when only three men spoke and everyone else politely clapped.
Modern weddings regularly include:
mothers
bridesmaids
siblings
friends
step-parents
the couple's children
sometimes even the dog handler (it happens)
Every relationship is unique, and the speech lineup is beginning to reflect that.
Shifting the Order for Better Flow
Instead of sticking to the classic sequence, many couples choose:
bride speaking before the groom
best man speaking last for big comedic energy
grouping all parents together
breaking speeches into two shorter segments
mixing heartfelt and humorous speakers for balance
The goal is emotional pacing — not tradition for tradition’s sake.
Cultural Layers in the Mix
New Zealand weddings increasingly incorporate multicultural elements or indigenous customs. For example:
a karakia (Māori blessing) to open or close the speech segment
a waiata (song) performed after a key family speech
acknowledging whānau (extended families) and ancestors
blending traditions from Pasifika, Asian, or European cultures
This shifts the order naturally, giving space to the people or rituals that hold cultural significance.
Modern Expectation: Flexibility
The new rule is simple:
If it feels meaningful and fits your families, it’s the right order.
Guests today don’t expect etiquette — they expect authenticity.
Māori Wedding Speech Traditions
In Māori weddings, speeches (kōrero) have deep cultural importance.
They often:
acknowledge whakapapa (genealogy) and ancestors
honour the merging of two whānau
include karakia (blessings)
follow a supportive rhythm where speakers are followed by waiata (songs) from the group
The order is determined more by respect and connection than by etiquette. Typically, elders or kaumātua speak first, followed by other family members in a pattern that feels communal rather than hierarchical.
This approach can influence modern mixed-culture weddings beautifully, adding depth and meaning to the speech lineup.
Why Your Speech Lineup Should Reflect You
Every couple has a different story.
Some want comedy early.
Some want family first.
Some want a single, tiny speech because they'd rather be on the dance floor with a margarita.
Your lineup should honour:
the key relationships in your life
the tone you want for the wedding reception
the cultural elements you value
the practical realities (e.g., who is terrified of public speaking)
Weddings feel best when they reflect the couple's personality, not a rulebook written in the 1980s.
3) Practical Tips for Planning Your Speech Order
Once you decide who's speaking, the next challenge is making sure the evening doesn't turn into an unplanned three-hour TEDx event. A good plan keeps the vibe warm, the guests awake, and the caterers from panicking because the mains are now 45 minutes late.
Here’s how to keep everything smooth:
Decide Early Who Will Speak
Choose your speakers well before the wedding day. This gives people time to prepare and prevents awkward last-minute surprises like, "Wait… I'm speaking? Tonight?!"
Early planning also helps you shape the wedding speech order based on personality, confidence levels, and family dynamics.
Set Time Limits (Seriously, Do It)
Five to seven minutes per speech works beautifully. Anything beyond that risks:
guests checking their phones
hungry children staging a coup
the band quietly ageing in the corner
Short, well-prepared speeches always land better than long rambles.
Most couples aim for a total speech time of 30-40 minutes. This feels substantial, heartfelt, and still leaves plenty of room for dessert and dancing.
Use an MC (Master of Ceremonies)
A strong MC is the unsung hero of every Kiwi wedding. They keep the evening flowing, cue speakers, calm nerves, and stop the best man from grabbing the mic twice.
An MC manages transitions, ensures timing stays on track, introduces each speaker, and handles unexpected moments with humour or grace. In many weddings, the MC is the glue holding the reception together.
Encourage Speakers to Prepare
This may sound obvious, but many people treat wedding speeches like improv theatre.
Remind speakers to:
write notes
practise out loud
balance humour with sincerity
avoid "inside jokes" no one understands
Preparation prevents panic — and results in speeches that feel warm, intentional, and genuinely enjoyable.
Group Short Toasts When Needed
If you have many people speaking, don't let each one hold the floor for 10 minutes.
Group the quicker toasts together, keep things moving, and avoid overwhelming guests with too many stories in a row.
Save the Best Speakers for Last
End on a high note. It keeps the energy alive as the evening transitions into dancing, cake cutting, or the bar opening with renewed enthusiasm.
4) How to Create a Speech Schedule for Your NZ Wedding
Creating a clear speech schedule helps everyone relax — including you.
Choose the speakers and confirm who actually wants to speak.
Draft the order, starting with family acknowledgements and ending with strong, confident speakers.
Share the schedule with your MC, venue, and photographer/videographer so nobody is accidentally outside during a key moment.
Add buffer time — weddings rarely run on exact minutes, and that's fine.
Print or message the schedule to your speakers on the day so no one panics when their name suddenly appears.
A speech schedule acts as a roadmap. It doesn't need military precision — just enough structure to keep the flow natural.
5) Example of a Modern NZ Wedding Speech Lineup
If the traditional order feels too rigid, here's a blended version many Kiwi couples use today:
Father (or parents) of the bride — welcome & toast
Best man — light-hearted stories
Groom — gratitude and acknowledgements
Maid of honour — personal memories, heartfelt wishes
Bride (optional) — her own words and thanks
Parents of the groom (optional) — warm remarks or blessings
Final toast — wrapping up before the dance floor opens
You can shift the lineup to suit your families, cultural background, or the general vibe of the day.
There's no wrong answer — only the order that best fits your wedding.
Traditional vs Modern Wedding Speech Order
Traditional speech order focuses on family hierarchy and gender roles. Modern speech order focuses on relationships, authenticity, and inclusivity.
What's considered "correct" has shifted dramatically — and guests today expect a personalised flow rather than strict etiquette.
Whether you stick to the classic structure or reinvent it altogether, the goal is the same: to honour the people who shaped your story.
6) Wedding Speech Order in NZ: Follow Your Heart
Here's the truth no etiquette book will tell you: weddings are basically controlled chaos wrapped in romance and good catering. The wedding speech order should help guide that chaos — not add to it.
Whether you stick to the Kiwi classic, remix it completely, or create something entirely new, what matters most is that each speaker feels valued and each moment feels intentional.
There's no "correct" sequence.
There's only the sequence that feels right for your families, your culture, and your story.
Putting It All Together: How to Build the Perfect Lineup
To create a speech flow that actually works on the day:
Start with family acknowledgements (parents, elders, those who deserve the opening honour).
Follow with humour or lighter energy (best man, siblings, friends).
Anchor the middle with heartfelt speeches (the couple themselves, or closest loved ones).
Finish with a confident, uplifting speaker — someone who can close the night with warmth or laughter.
Transition smoothly into cutting the cake, the first dance, or opening the bar (NZ's unofficial final speaker).
Whether it's traditional, modern, Māori-influenced, minimalist, or gloriously unconventional — choose a lineup that feels like you.
Your Wedding, Your Lineup
If you remember one thing from this entire guide, let it be this:
Your speech order should support the story you're telling — not limit it.
Choose speakers who matter. Arrange them in a flow that feels natural. And let the night unfold with warmth, humour, and the occasional mildly questionable story from the best man.
And one more thing: choose a great videographer. These speeches are some of the most emotional moments of the day — laughter, tears, shaky voices and unscripted magic included. When they’re captured well, you don’t just remember them, you get to relive them again and again through your wedding film.
We’re always happy to help with that too — not just in wedding photography, but in turning those moments into films you’ll actually want to watch back.
If you have any questions about wedding photography or videography, or how to make sure these moments are captured the right way, feel free to reach out — we’re happy to help.
FAQ
Are wedding speeches before or after the meal?
Most Kiwi weddings schedule them before the meal or between courses to keep guests engaged and the evening flowing.
Can the bride give a speech at a New Zealand wedding?
Absolutely — more brides than ever are speaking, and guests love hearing her perspective.
How many speeches are too many at a wedding?
Aim for 5–7 speakers total or 30–40 minutes combined. Beyond that, energy (and hunger levels) can dip.
What is the traditional order of wedding speeches in New Zealand?
Traditionally: father of the bride → best man → groom. Modern weddings often expand or reorganise this.
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 | I’m George, the filmmaker and creative partner behind Red Guy Films — I create cinematic wedding films full of emotion and meaning. I began my career in television and advertising back in 2005, and I’ve been telling real stories ever since. |
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